Summarize = Let them know they are understood

• “Let me make sure I understood you. Your interest is ____. Am I right?”

• “From your perspective we should ____. Is this accurate?”

• “Let’s see if I can review the key points we have discussed. . . . Did I understand you correctly?”

 

Encourage = Give them a full and respectful hearing • “Yes, please go on.”

• “Then what happened?”

• “Is there anything else you would like to add?”

 

Clarify = Ask questions to help get below the surface of an issue

• “How much of a concern is this for you?”

• “How does this compare to other situations?”
• “Can you give me an example?”

 

Acknowledge their point = Recognize their point of view

• “If I were in your shoes, I might see it that way also.”

• “I can understand why you believe that.”

• “I see what you mean.”

 

Acknowledge their feelings = Don’t ignore their emotions

• “I can see why you would feel that way.”

• “I appreciate how you feel.”

• “I respect your right to feel that way.”

 

All material comes from Bill Ury’s website, www.thirdside.org